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tell the impaler, i'm not ready yet.
Current Music: funeral motet: versa est in luctum ~ tomás luis de victoria (tallis scholars)
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vagueruins
28 April 2006 @ 02:05 pm
my conscious has fallen astray. and I can't remember what I wanted to write about
but I found some old entries that I want to remember so they are now here
( Read more... )
Current Mood: pobrecita
Current Music: dihd ~ society is an ass
21 October 2005 @ 05:57 am
will we have to carry the burden of our failures for the remaining existence? she bestowed upon me the far side of a consciousness that i only rested on the border of up to that point. sometimes truly do i believe ignorance would have been better suited. a bliss to be thankful for.
i don't want to explain my reasons anymore, i recognized the cynicism..but it is now that you are compelled to ask. you have what you want, i'm left with virtually nothing and there is still a power in you that without purpose can manage to dig my damage deeper. i know i have to go and it's foolish but i just wonder..how will you remember me? am i one of the bad things you'll choose to forget and never speak of? am i just like the others? i tried not to hurt you, i never wanted to make you feel bad..just to understand.
something won't allow me to sleep. manythings won't allow me to cry.
Current Mood: 
destroyed
destroyedCurrent Music: ...accidental suicide
20 October 2005 @ 11:23 pm
Fear is an understatement. I’d like to say I’m leaving for you but I’m not so sure it has much to do with you anymore...only the context in which you exist. Each day is taking longer to pass than the last.
The days of talking to you are soon over. You can barely remember who you were and soon that part of you will completely die off. It’s for the best I know, you do deserve to be where you are now. you’ve put up with a lot of shit from a lot of people including myself. as cruel and sardonic as it sounds, i will miss the you i knew.
Current Mood: i wish i knew
19 October 2005 @ 12:15 am
Harbored in your oath together under the lie, I followed. What was it? So vast…my disposition lost beyond the mantra. Repeating repeating repeating and still everything said flowed without any sincerity of making sense. Conjuring and contorting a belief that desire lives outside ourselves. A societal construction…naïve to fallacy, it must go beyond words. And here I tame my darkest thoughts, wounding the meadows of purity.
If only you knew how short forever is.
There was a tourniquet stain. The pressure outweighed the blood and the world got so dizzy. Please carry me back to the forest. My wings were clipped and I must finish my days out among the leaves for they hold my humility. Embarked without reason, this body is host to no heart.
You fought for what you could love…but could not recognize that I fought for the same thing?… We must believe into an existence because there is nothing else.
Clearly I cannot reprimand my thoughts or deeds
Current Mood: harrowed